We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
