people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
