Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
