Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
