Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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