i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
