Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
