Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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