All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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