You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
