i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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