my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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