On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
