i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
