I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
