He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
