then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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