You just made me feel so damn special
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
