dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
