I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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