I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
...so i touched it.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
