I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Randomize
