my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
