i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
