Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You're earring is so big in my mouth
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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