If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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