New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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