All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
