I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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