Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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