Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
