Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
