Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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