Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
