Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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