I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
