i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
