Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
