she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
