May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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