wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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