One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
