My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
