I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
