I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
