I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Randomize
