My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
