**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
