Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
