so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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