They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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